The Smoke-Out

"Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world"

I am not sure what it was that started me smoking cigarettes. When I was young my grandparents smoked and I hated it. I knew smoking could give diseases and I would beg my granny to quit smoking. [prepare yourself for a big admission] I sucked my thumb much longer than most kids. I am pretty sure I was almost 10 before I completely stopped. As I aged it came out only when I was scared but well... anyhow... I recall asking my granny when she encouraged me to quit sucking my thumb if she would consider a deal. I offered to quit sucking my thumb if she would quit smoking. Well she took the deal, I quit sucking my thumb, but she didn't quit smoking until she came down with leukemia when I was about 13.

But somehow - I have vague memories of sneaking cigarettes we found at the beach with my sister as teens and trying them out. Then I started working at a local grocery store as a bagger and all my coworkers seemed to smoke. I wasn't a full out smoker until after 18, but in my teen years I would smoke a cigarette when they were available to me. I smoked in my late teens to my early twenties and it was not long before I wanted to quit. Between watching smokers drop like flies in my life, watching my nephew struggle with childhood cancer, and coughing until my lungs hurt - I feared a painful disease and what smoking was doing to me. I began to despise smoking and the hold it had on me. But all my friends smoked, and every time I quit I was smoking again before long.

Early in my twenties I also found the Lord. I didn't feel a huge conflict of interest with smoking cigarettes and my faith, though it did change the way I drank alcohol and my desire to participate in other activities. But the best part about my new faith, and then my new church, was that I did find some friends who didn't smoke. And instead of being part of a crowd who goes outside every five minutes for a smoke I became the one outside rushing through a cigarette before I could go back in to everyone. I also found my friend Anna who also expressed a strong desire to quit smoking.

So anyhow, my friends had come to find my continuous smoking quitting humorous. I saw their raised eyebrows and smirks every time I claimed that I had just finished my last cigarette. February 13, 2003 I was sitting with my friends Erin, Kyle, Clayton, Julie, and Richie in Erin and Kyle's house. I told them that I had decided right then that I was going to quit smoking. Clayton started laughing and said "sure you are Kim", and the rest laughed. Recalling the line on the back of my tshirt I snapped back "greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world".

Whoa - I just brought God into the equation. Whether the almighty creator of the universe wanted to be drawn into my battle with Nicotene or not here it was. When I told my friend Anna that night she said she would also quit that night. I am not going to tell you that God instantly quenched my desire for a cigarette and that it magically was no longer an addiction. But I am going to tell you that the Lord quit smoking for me. After time and time and time of declaring and attempting a quit I finally quit for real. My friends helped me. We kept my hands busy with video games and my mouth busy with cough drops (from the inevitable ick we all get from quitting smoking). But we did it. The Lord literally carried me through. I recall hiding a couple cigarettes in my drawer just in case, and eventually threw them out.

Anna and I quit smoking on February 13 and our bodies began to heal. When it was all said and done I no longer had a taste or even slight desire for cigarettes (which I am told is rare). Very soon after quitting the smell became disgusting and unbearable to me. I guess thats what happens when you get what you ask for. Years later I can honestly say the Lord healed me of that and I will never again smoke another cigarette. And though Anna has struggled quite a bit more than me (still dealing with the desire for smoking and even having dreams about it) she is currently in smoking remission. So join me in praying for her that God would grant her the freedom that He granted me from nicotene and all that goes with it.

I will be putting a pack of matches into my memorial box to remind me of what the Lord took away.